Today, I want to revisit a topic I wrote about back in 2017 – spouse meetings. Back then I wrote a post called The Weekly Spouse Meeting: WHY You Need One, WHAT 5 Important Points to Cover, HOW to Make it Happen. Steven and I had only been married a couple months at the time and he had wanted to start talking about finances on a weekly basis. I thought it was a great idea and went a step further with the idea that we could add more agenda items to these weekly meetings.
Thanks to Pinterest, I soon found out that Weekly Spouse Meetings were already a thing. But I did craft an agenda specific to our needs and Spouse Meetings became a thing in our marriage.
Now, two years into our marriage, although we don’t always get one done weekly, we still love spouse meetings. If you haven’t tried them, you need to get on it! Here are 9 reasons why we love spouse meetings and why you need to do them too!
1. Meetings keep you connected
Life gets hectic and stressful real quick and it can be easy to lose touch. Spouse meetings help you intentionally reconnect on a regular basis. If you’re feeling like you never quite get on the same page, spouse meetings are a great way to maintain that baseline of communication and get in the same groove with one another.
2. Meetings give you a change to pick each other’s brains
This is probably one of my favorite benefits of spouse meetings. I love picking my husband’s brain. He always sees the things I don’t and problem solving doesn’t feel so much like a chore because I actually enjoy hearing what he has to say.
Meetings are the chance to sit down and be at the drawing board together, work through challenges, consider options, dream big dreams, find out what the other person thinks and feels about a situation. Sometimes you’ll be pleasantly surprised, other times you might be concerned. No matter what, don’t miss the opportunity to get to know what’s going on in that noggin of theirs.
3. Meetings give you time to set & maintain goals
As a planner babe, I like goal setting. I like lists and start and end dates. I like to see how things look on paper. As a married planner babe, I can’t just plan our life by myself, right? So Steven and I plan the big stuff together. We talk pros and cons, strategizes the compromises and come up with solutions. And when it doesn’t work out the way we wanted, we go back and tweak.
Meetings help to ensure that you’re walking in the same direction and prioritizing the same things. This is when you get to discuss and work out what’s important to each of you and how that’s going to impact your family, your commitments, your work, etc.. You’ll also get a feel for all the areas you’re not in sync. You may be hustling for one goal but your partner may be preoccupied with another one and the two don’t play well together. Those are conversations that needs to happen. Even if you’re not working on the same projects, you still have to be in some kind of rhythm or you’ll just end up getting in each other’s way or sabotaging yourselves.
4. Meetings provide accountability
Need an accountability partner? Marriage comes with one built in. Meetings are a great time to check in on progress in any area. If you really wanna have some fun and get fancy, you can set up a reward system. Thirty-minute massage? Breakfast in bed? Date night at your favorite restaurant? Do their #1 hated chore for a week? Get creative. Accountability doesn’t have to be boring or something to dread. This is when you get to be your sweetheart’s biggest cheerleader! Go big!
5. Meetings help you stay on top of your finances
Oh money, money, money. If ever a couple needs to be on the same page, it’s with faith and finances. We’ll get to faith a bit later but for now let’s just say that talking about finances at spouse meetings has been a relationship saver. We have two different personalities when it comes to money – he’s a saver and I’m a spender. Having designated time to talk money and expectations and plans is the difference between anxiety and peace.
We’re still mastering the art of better budgeting but even so, I never have to worry about where the money is going because we talk about big purchases, we’re conservative in our spending habits and we plan ahead as much as possible. Neither of us is worried about what we might find when we check our bank accounts.
I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am that we started off building trust with each other when it comes to money. And a lot of it has to do with prioritizing it during spouse meetings.
6. You can catch problems before they get too big
Issues can grow and fester almost without us even noticing sometimes. Meeting regularly gives you the opportunity to address problems and nip them in the bud. It can also force you to talk about problems you may otherwise sweep under the rug cause you ‘just don’t have time to deal with it right now’. Spouse meetings are about making the time you need to deal with the hard stuff.
7. Meetings give you the chance to ask questions
This seems rather simplistic but sometimes there isn’t a ‘right time’ to ask the question that’s been bugging you. A spouse meeting may not always be that right time every kind of question but the space is there when you need it.
8. Meetings create a safe space to voice your concerns
This is more like the #1 rule of spouse meetings – it must be a safe space to talk and voice your concerns and opinions. This is not the place to judge or say I told you so. Spouse meetings should be the place where you can explore and experiment with ideas as well as be open and honest about what you’re feeling. Neither of you should feel scared about sharing what’s important to you.
If you’re going to start the habit of meeting regularly (which you should!), make sure that you both respect the time and space as a safe zone – no criticism, no judgement, no low blows, no my-way-or-the-highway mentality. You both get to speak and be heard. You both get to vent. You both get to ask questions. You both get to make suggestions. You both have to make concessions and compromise when necessary. You are a team and you’re here to make your marriage not just work but thrive!
9. Meetings give you a chance to pray
Last but not least, spouse meetings can be used as an opportunity to pray together. Pray over your discussions, your decisions, and what your concerns are. Pray about the commitments you make to each other and where you know you’re going to be weak. Pray that you’ll remain connected and in tune with one another and with God.
All the best laid plans of husband and wife are futile if not brought before the Lord in earnest prayer. Don’t skip it!
If you haven’t started having regular meetings with your spouse, you absolutely should! They can be such a game changer! If you do have regular meetings with your sweetheart, what kinds of things do you talk about and take care of? I’d love to hear suggestions and new ideas :).