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Elyssa Nalani

9 Things I’ve Learned After 2 Years of Marriage

marriage

6 Mar

Steven and I just celebrated 2 years of marriage last month – YAY!!

These first 2 years of marriage have been eye-opening in many different ways. Things I didn’t know I didn’t know, things that I under or over estimated. With two short years under my belt, I couldn’t be more grateful for the marriage I’m in. Not only am I so in love with my husband, but being married to him has been like entering a whole new school of life with new challenges and opportunities that wouldn’t have been the same otherwise.

So even though it hasn’t been that long, I have learned quite a bit about myself and marriage and in honor of the occasion, I’m going to share 9 of those lessons today.

(this post contains affiliate links. see disclosure here)

1. Friendship is priceless.

I’m not sure that enough people appreciate just how incredibly important friendship is to a romance. Friendship is the space where we’re free to be ourselves without fear of rejection or judgement. At the risk of a cheesy metaphor, friendship is like a ship that keeps the relationship afloat when the waves come crashing in. And excuse me while I switch metaphors but if Jesus is the foundation on which we’re to build a marriage, friendship is framework of the structure. Deep romance is strong when it’s built on Jesus & friendship. Okay, enough with the metaphors. You get the picture.

I so treasure my friendship with my husband. It’s a safe space where I trust him implicitly and never have to worry about my feelings being trampled on. It’s what keeps me emotionally grounded and connected when I may feel frustrated or less than loving. It is priceless

2. Respect goes a long, long way.

Okay so I’m not always hitting it out of the ball park with this one but ever since we started dating, I promised myself that I would do my best to respect my man. I’ve since learned that opportunities to be respectful aren’t always necessarily what I expect. I’m blessed with a man that doesn’t walk all over me or demand his way (thank God!). But as easy going and generous as he is, he’s not one to be run over either (again, thank God!). We’re learning balance. We listen to each other, respecting that we won’t always agree on every. single. thing. We commit to solving problems and nipping issues in the bud before they become unmanageable.

I’m learning that there is an art to compromise and deference and neither one of us has to lose our unique voices. And it’s a beautiful thing when I can look at my man and think, I respect you. I’m grateful for your mind, your opinions, and your values. I respect the person you are.

Side note – In an effort to grow more in this area, I’ve added Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs to my 2019 reading list.

3. Marriage is a life-long character building process.

I knew marriage would be hard – everyone says so – but good night, I had no clue how much wrestling I’d have to do within myself. I remember the day I realized that God made me a wife, not just so I can be my husband’s other half but so that He could work in my heart. Because this being married business is no joke and won’t God stick a mirror in my face and be like “Child, we have some inside jobs to take care of if you are going to thrive in this relationship and ultimately make it to the kingdom”.

I’m not saying single people are missing out on some inner circle sanctification process, I’m just saying that marriage is definitely a space where I am learning where I need to lean heavily on Jesus to get my act together!

I’ve learned that I may see all the areas where my husband may need to improve or get it together but I need to pay more attention to my character flaws than his. Jesus is still my husband’s Savior, He is still in the business of working in his heart. It is not my place to upstage Jesus and take over because I think I know what he needs to be better at.

That doesn’t mean that Steven and I can’t or won’t help each other out (that’s part of our jobs as spouses) but I found out real quick that Jesus is using this relationship in a large part to teach me how to be more like Him.

4. You have to know how to talk about money.

They say that most marriages break up over money. I believe it. Two people trying to sort through work/home balance, bills, debt, purchasing habits, the differences between necessities & toys and just our overall individual relationship and experience with a dollar.

Steven and I still have yet to have our first official, real fight (I know, crazy, right?) but the one thing that we discuss and argue about is money. We have different financial personalities (I’m a spender, he’s a saver) and the reason we haven’t driven each other up the wall is because, before we got married, we learned how to talk about money with each other. It’s a practice and it takes time.

We’re constantly comparing notes, checking in, and sharing concerns. We’re not always on the same page and we have some problem solving to do but the open communication and respect has kept us from making rash decisions or making mountains out of mole hills.

5. Don’t ever stop flirting.

Never ever stop.

IG story from our anniversary weekend trip

6. Pick your battles.

Not everything is that deep. Some things can wait til later (like when you’ve had time to cool off and think about it). Count to 10. Take a walk. Sing a song. Learn the difference between important and urgent. Weigh the cost of the words that are on the tip of your tongue. And know that you can’t just blindside someone with your mess when you haven’t given them fair warning and expect them to play by your rules.

Be reasonable and rational. And pick your battles.

7. He’s not ever going to be like me.

Steven is not like me. He will never be like me. We often think a lot a like and have a lot in common but then there are times when I’m like, where in the world have you been? If I wanted a carbon copy of myself, it would’ve been easier to stay single. He is his own person with his own history, thoughts, dreams, goals, wants and needs.

So when I can’t figure out why he doesn’t see something exactly the way I do or want exactly what I want, I just have to remember – he’s not like me and thank God for that!

8. You have to set goals together.

As a planner girl, I love making lists, setting goals that have a due date, planning tasks, and getting things done. As a married planner girl, I have the joy of doing all that with my man.
While we ultimately want the same things in life, our roadmaps for getting there aren’t identical (see #8). We are constantly fine tuning different plans and projects, considering pros and cons of a situation. We don’t always see eye to eye and sometimes it’s really frustrating when what I want and what is realistic aren’t the same thing.

Being a team player can be tough but I am grateful that I don’t have to worry about him making big decisions without me because we’re committed to setting goals together.

9. I am still an individual.

I talked about how I’m working on respecting Steven but I have to give my husband props for always respecting me as an individual with thoughts, dreams, opinions, and feelings of my own. He never presumes to speak for me or make important decisions without considering my feelings. It wasn’t until I got married that I realized just how important it is to stay true to who you are while in a relationship.

I am a big believer in the truth that while two people become one in marriage, neither one is to be swallowed up by the other. It is a blessing to be in a marriage partnership but it only works well when both people are whole people by themselves. There isn’t any room for domination, control, manipulation, presumption, or selfishness in a healthy marriage.

Lord, I’m about to get up on my soapbox. I’mma stop there because that’s a post for another time lol.

Suffice it to say that I am an individual and I have a responsibility to take care of my heart, mind, body, and environment so I can do good work and best serve those around me. My husband believes this and he’s proud to be married to a woman who thinks for herself and can stand on her own two feet. I count myself greatly blessed.


For any of my married friends out there, what have you learned since you’ve been married? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

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Hi, my name is Elyssa!
I’m a Jesus-loving planner girl and I inspire paper-loving women of faith to live well and stay focused on what matters.

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elyssanalani

ElyssaNalani.com
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The snow and ice melted just in time for us to go The snow and ice melted just in time for us to go out and celebrate with an early dinner and a walk downtown in the sunshine. Man, you’d never know we just went through the snowpocalypse last week 😜
.
#happyanniversary #anniversaryweekend #date #gorgeousweather #ilovehim
Happy Anniversary to my darling husband. Four year Happy Anniversary to my darling husband. Four years down, Baby, forever to go 🥰

📷 @davidcheneyphotography 
.
#happyanniversary #fouryearstrong #soinlove #stilltheone #marriedlife #ilovemyman
This doesn’t happen every year so we popped out This doesn’t happen every year so we popped out for an obligatory selfie in the snowfall ❄️ Cue the cheesy hashtags!
.
#babyitscoldoutside #marshmallowworld #ilovethewinterweather #winterweather #ivegotmylovetokeepmewarm #valentines #ilovemyman #happyvalentinesday
I could write a sweet, pithy caption about how muc I could write a sweet, pithy caption about how much this man means to me and how I love our relationship. But I’m too distracted enjoying the day. So I’ll leave this 6 year old photo here, wish you a lovely Valentine’s Day and get back to my breakfast in bed ☺️
.
#happyvalentinesday
• Early Valentines flowers from hubs. • Paper • Early Valentines flowers from hubs.
• Paper hearts on the kitchen walls.
• Tomorrow I will break my 40 day sugar fast, eat chocolate, and bake a pie.
❤️ February has been a challenge so far but God is good and life is full of simple pleasures.
>> Now I’m going to bed where I should have been 2 hours ago 😜 
.
#happyalmostvalentinesday #simplethings #flowers #paperhearts
@anniefdowns new book ‘That Sounds Fun’ just c @anniefdowns new book ‘That Sounds Fun’ just came out two days ago and I totally recommend it! I listened to the audiobook last year (which she reads, which makes it even more fun!) and it was such a pleasure and treat. If you’re looking for something equally delightful and grounding, this is it. We need this book in these strange times 😊
.
#thatsoundsfun #thatsoundsfunbook #anniefdowns #bookstagram #booklover #book #booknerd #bookshelves #bookrecommendations
I bought a few of the books that flew off the shel I bought a few of the books that flew off the shelves last year but haven’t read any of them yet. It’s still important work and this is as good a month as any to dig in. 

(I should mention that last year I did listen to -
• I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown
• Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
• Black Klansman by Ron Stallworth)

Are you reading anything for Black History Month?
.
#blackhistorymonth #history #bookstagram #booklover #unreadshelfproject2021 #unreadshelf #bookstack #caste #bookofthemonth #botm #february2021 #februaryreads
February Scripture Writing Plan is live in the blo February Scripture Writing Plan is live in the blog! Shout out to @lady_alba26 for putting together another great collection of verses for us to focus on this month!
.
Link in bio 😊
.
#scripture #scripturewriting #scripturewritingplan #february #february2021 #journaling #club119writers
Texas can’t decide what winter weather is but I’ve still got winter vibes in the house. And plenty of tea for this season! The French Lemon Ginger and Moonlight Glow are my top 2 choices in my January @sipsby box. 
What have you been drinking this month?

My January box included - 

• Midnight Glow from @purekure_skincare
• French Lemon Ginger from @tealyratea
• Organic Rooibos Tea from @cederbosrooibostea 
• Sugar Cookie from @pinkyuptea 
.
Check out the link in my bio to get started with your own SipsBy subscription 😊
.
#sipsbybox #tea #teatime #winterweather
Oh, it’s National Spouse Day? I’m here for it! Oh, it’s National Spouse Day? I’m here for it! 
Here’s my spouse. He’s the bestest 🥰 
#nationalspouseday #ilovehimsomuch #marriedlife
Another peak at my 2021 journaling project because Another peak at my 2021 journaling project because @abiding_kelseyleigh said it’s Share the Love Sunday so here’s my personal development spread! 
I can’t stop looking at it and flipping through the rest of my pages ☺️ Video coming soon!
.
#myabidingjournal2021 #doyourthing #staycurious #creativelifehappylife #creativitymatters #journalingcommunity #creativitytakescourage #personaldevelopment #sharethelove #creativejournal #creativejournaling #projectplaybook #livewellstayfocused
January journaling spread 📔 . Memory keeping is January journaling spread 📔
.
Memory keeping is not something I’m naturally good at (for one thing, I don’t take enough photos) but I still reeeeally like creative journaling and I have a whole ton of supplies I need to use. Soooooooo I thought I’d try a different approach. Still formulating the concept but it’s looking like creative journaling + project planning + goal tracking.
.
One thing I know for certain about myself when it comes to projects: I follow through better when I can see it. Why not have a fun space to plan and visualize my projects and goals? 
I’ve been having fun with several spreads and I can’t wait to do a video and share with y’all. I think this is an approach my brain can wrap itself around 😜🧠 Stay tuned! 
.
#creativejournaling #2021journaling #2021journal #makeithappen #cultivatewhatmatters #januaryspread #january #lwsfplaybook #livewellstayfocused #adreamisawishyourheartmakes #beyoubravely #takeyourtime #creativitytakescourage #trystuffout #myabidingjournal
Walked with no one and talked with no one⁠ And I Walked with no one and talked with no one⁠
And I had nothing but shadows⁠
Then one morning you passed⁠
And I brightened at last⁠
Now I greet the day and complete the day⁠
With the sun in my heart⁠
All my worry blew away⁠
When you taught me how to say⁠
⁠
Grab your coat and get your hat⁠
Leave your worry on the doorstep⁠
Just direct your feet⁠
To the sunny side of the street⁠
Can't you hear a pitter-pat?⁠
And that happy tune is your step⁠
Life can be so sweet⁠
On the sunny side of the street⁠
⁠
I used to walk in the shade⁠
With those blues on parade⁠
But I'm not afraid⁠
This Rover crossed over⁠
⁠
If I never have a cent⁠
I'd be rich as Rockefeller⁠
Gold dust at my feet⁠
On the sunny side of the street⁠
Grab your street⁠
⁠
Dorothy Fields / Jimmy McHugh⁠
⁠
#justforfun #wednesdaylyrics #sunnysideofthestreet #staypositive #dorothyfields #songlyrics #lifecanbesosweet #spreadlove #spreadjoy
Y’all know Just Because flowers from my husband Y’all know Just Because flowers from my husband are my favorite 😍. They also force me to straighten out my desk for their presence 😆
.
#justbecause #flowers #ilovemyman #marriage #marriagerocks
#mondayverse #startright #fearlessheart #mondayverse #startright #fearlessheart
Whenever I feel afraid⁠ I hold my head erect⁠ Whenever I feel afraid⁠
I hold my head erect⁠
And whistle a happy tune⁠
So no one will suspect I'm afraid⁠
⁠
I strike a careless pose⁠
And whistle a happy tune⁠
And no one ever knows I'm afraid⁠
⁠
The result of this deception⁠
Is very strange to tell⁠
For when I fool the people⁠
I fear I fool myself as well⁠
⁠
I whistle a happy tune⁠
And every single time⁠
The happiness in the tune⁠
Convinces me that I'm not afraid⁠
⁠
Make believe you're brave⁠
And the trick will take you far⁠
You may be as brave⁠
As you make believe you areYou may be as brave⁠
As you make believe you are⁠
⁠
Oscar Hammerstein II / Richard Rodgers⁠
⁠
#justforfun #wednesdaylyrics #showtunes #rodgersandhammerstein #thekingandi
#mondayverse #startright #haveconfidence #mondayverse #startright #haveconfidence
FEARLESS HEART printable sticker kit coming to Pat FEARLESS HEART printable sticker kit coming to Patreon this weekend! Stay tuned 😊
.
#januaryscripturewriting #club119writers #scripturewriting 
#journaling #journal #stickers #journalingcommunity #scripture #journalingstickers #fearlessheart #patreon
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Goodreads

elyssanalani

ElyssaNalani.com
New month in my Stalogy 💚 . #b6stalogy #journal New month in my Stalogy 💚
.
#b6stalogy #journaling #marchjournal #beyoubravely #workhardstayhumble #planner #plannercommunity #plannerbabe #plannernerd #stickers #stickerspread
TODAY ON THE CHANNEL & BLOG! And if you’re inte TODAY ON THE CHANNEL & BLOG!

And if you’re interested in working with me on your 2021 goals, see how you can schedule a free Zoom call with me ☺️ 
.
Link in my bio
.
#goalsetting #staymotivated #motivation #goals #2021goals #cultivatewhatmatters #stayfocused #yourdreamsmatter #dontgiveup #plannerbabe #plannercommunity #planner #plannersgonnaplan #plannersofinstagram #plannergirl #plannerlove #plannerd
The snow and ice melted just in time for us to go The snow and ice melted just in time for us to go out and celebrate with an early dinner and a walk downtown in the sunshine. Man, you’d never know we just went through the snowpocalypse last week 😜
.
#happyanniversary #anniversaryweekend #date #gorgeousweather #ilovehim
Happy Anniversary to my darling husband. Four year Happy Anniversary to my darling husband. Four years down, Baby, forever to go 🥰

📷 @davidcheneyphotography 
.
#happyanniversary #fouryearstrong #soinlove #stilltheone #marriedlife #ilovemyman
This doesn’t happen every year so we popped out This doesn’t happen every year so we popped out for an obligatory selfie in the snowfall ❄️ Cue the cheesy hashtags!
.
#babyitscoldoutside #marshmallowworld #ilovethewinterweather #winterweather #ivegotmylovetokeepmewarm #valentines #ilovemyman #happyvalentinesday
I could write a sweet, pithy caption about how muc I could write a sweet, pithy caption about how much this man means to me and how I love our relationship. But I’m too distracted enjoying the day. So I’ll leave this 6 year old photo here, wish you a lovely Valentine’s Day and get back to my breakfast in bed ☺️
.
#happyvalentinesday
• Early Valentines flowers from hubs. • Paper • Early Valentines flowers from hubs.
• Paper hearts on the kitchen walls.
• Tomorrow I will break my 40 day sugar fast, eat chocolate, and bake a pie.
❤️ February has been a challenge so far but God is good and life is full of simple pleasures.
>> Now I’m going to bed where I should have been 2 hours ago 😜 
.
#happyalmostvalentinesday #simplethings #flowers #paperhearts
@anniefdowns new book ‘That Sounds Fun’ just c @anniefdowns new book ‘That Sounds Fun’ just came out two days ago and I totally recommend it! I listened to the audiobook last year (which she reads, which makes it even more fun!) and it was such a pleasure and treat. If you’re looking for something equally delightful and grounding, this is it. We need this book in these strange times 😊
.
#thatsoundsfun #thatsoundsfunbook #anniefdowns #bookstagram #booklover #book #booknerd #bookshelves #bookrecommendations
I bought a few of the books that flew off the shel I bought a few of the books that flew off the shelves last year but haven’t read any of them yet. It’s still important work and this is as good a month as any to dig in. 

(I should mention that last year I did listen to -
• I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown
• Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson
• Black Klansman by Ron Stallworth)

Are you reading anything for Black History Month?
.
#blackhistorymonth #history #bookstagram #booklover #unreadshelfproject2021 #unreadshelf #bookstack #caste #bookofthemonth #botm #february2021 #februaryreads
February Scripture Writing Plan is live in the blo February Scripture Writing Plan is live in the blog! Shout out to @lady_alba26 for putting together another great collection of verses for us to focus on this month!
.
Link in bio 😊
.
#scripture #scripturewriting #scripturewritingplan #february #february2021 #journaling #club119writers
Texas can’t decide what winter weather is but I’ve still got winter vibes in the house. And plenty of tea for this season! The French Lemon Ginger and Moonlight Glow are my top 2 choices in my January @sipsby box. 
What have you been drinking this month?

My January box included - 

• Midnight Glow from @purekure_skincare
• French Lemon Ginger from @tealyratea
• Organic Rooibos Tea from @cederbosrooibostea 
• Sugar Cookie from @pinkyuptea 
.
Check out the link in my bio to get started with your own SipsBy subscription 😊
.
#sipsbybox #tea #teatime #winterweather
Oh, it’s National Spouse Day? I’m here for it! Oh, it’s National Spouse Day? I’m here for it! 
Here’s my spouse. He’s the bestest 🥰 
#nationalspouseday #ilovehimsomuch #marriedlife
Another peak at my 2021 journaling project because Another peak at my 2021 journaling project because @abiding_kelseyleigh said it’s Share the Love Sunday so here’s my personal development spread! 
I can’t stop looking at it and flipping through the rest of my pages ☺️ Video coming soon!
.
#myabidingjournal2021 #doyourthing #staycurious #creativelifehappylife #creativitymatters #journalingcommunity #creativitytakescourage #personaldevelopment #sharethelove #creativejournal #creativejournaling #projectplaybook #livewellstayfocused
January journaling spread 📔 . Memory keeping is January journaling spread 📔
.
Memory keeping is not something I’m naturally good at (for one thing, I don’t take enough photos) but I still reeeeally like creative journaling and I have a whole ton of supplies I need to use. Soooooooo I thought I’d try a different approach. Still formulating the concept but it’s looking like creative journaling + project planning + goal tracking.
.
One thing I know for certain about myself when it comes to projects: I follow through better when I can see it. Why not have a fun space to plan and visualize my projects and goals? 
I’ve been having fun with several spreads and I can’t wait to do a video and share with y’all. I think this is an approach my brain can wrap itself around 😜🧠 Stay tuned! 
.
#creativejournaling #2021journaling #2021journal #makeithappen #cultivatewhatmatters #januaryspread #january #lwsfplaybook #livewellstayfocused #adreamisawishyourheartmakes #beyoubravely #takeyourtime #creativitytakescourage #trystuffout #myabidingjournal
Walked with no one and talked with no one⁠ And I Walked with no one and talked with no one⁠
And I had nothing but shadows⁠
Then one morning you passed⁠
And I brightened at last⁠
Now I greet the day and complete the day⁠
With the sun in my heart⁠
All my worry blew away⁠
When you taught me how to say⁠
⁠
Grab your coat and get your hat⁠
Leave your worry on the doorstep⁠
Just direct your feet⁠
To the sunny side of the street⁠
Can't you hear a pitter-pat?⁠
And that happy tune is your step⁠
Life can be so sweet⁠
On the sunny side of the street⁠
⁠
I used to walk in the shade⁠
With those blues on parade⁠
But I'm not afraid⁠
This Rover crossed over⁠
⁠
If I never have a cent⁠
I'd be rich as Rockefeller⁠
Gold dust at my feet⁠
On the sunny side of the street⁠
Grab your street⁠
⁠
Dorothy Fields / Jimmy McHugh⁠
⁠
#justforfun #wednesdaylyrics #sunnysideofthestreet #staypositive #dorothyfields #songlyrics #lifecanbesosweet #spreadlove #spreadjoy
Y’all know Just Because flowers from my husband Y’all know Just Because flowers from my husband are my favorite 😍. They also force me to straighten out my desk for their presence 😆
.
#justbecause #flowers #ilovemyman #marriage #marriagerocks
#mondayverse #startright #fearlessheart #mondayverse #startright #fearlessheart
Whenever I feel afraid⁠ I hold my head erect⁠ Whenever I feel afraid⁠
I hold my head erect⁠
And whistle a happy tune⁠
So no one will suspect I'm afraid⁠
⁠
I strike a careless pose⁠
And whistle a happy tune⁠
And no one ever knows I'm afraid⁠
⁠
The result of this deception⁠
Is very strange to tell⁠
For when I fool the people⁠
I fear I fool myself as well⁠
⁠
I whistle a happy tune⁠
And every single time⁠
The happiness in the tune⁠
Convinces me that I'm not afraid⁠
⁠
Make believe you're brave⁠
And the trick will take you far⁠
You may be as brave⁠
As you make believe you areYou may be as brave⁠
As you make believe you are⁠
⁠
Oscar Hammerstein II / Richard Rodgers⁠
⁠
#justforfun #wednesdaylyrics #showtunes #rodgersandhammerstein #thekingandi
#mondayverse #startright #haveconfidence #mondayverse #startright #haveconfidence
FEARLESS HEART printable sticker kit coming to Pat FEARLESS HEART printable sticker kit coming to Patreon this weekend! Stay tuned 😊
.
#januaryscripturewriting #club119writers #scripturewriting 
#journaling #journal #stickers #journalingcommunity #scripture #journalingstickers #fearlessheart #patreon
Load More... Follow on Instagram

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